The relational landscape of our lives is peppered with a variety of different kinds of connections with others. Often due to changing circumstances in our own lives or the lives of others, some of these connections dim or become dormant. When a connection is dormant, there is an absence of interaction and/or the waning of attention invested in the connection, as in relationships with classmates from high school or college, or in relationships with individuals who have moved away geographically. Dormant connections, however, hold the potential to be reignited or rekindled, revitalizing the relationship in ways that are generative and helpful. We think of revitalizing dormant connections as a potentially powerful way to enhance our sense of wellbeing and effectiveness. It is an under-recognized approach to strengthening one’s network in ways that are useful to both consider and undertake.
The Special Benefits of Dormant Ties
We know from all kinds of research that positive relationships (what some call high quality connections) with others bestow all kinds of benefits on individuals and groups (e.g., Dutton, 2014). However, we think it is worth considering the additional benefits that arise from rekindling positive connections we have had with others in the past. Past research has suggested dormant ties can be important sources of novel information which is gained more efficiently as it takes less effort to build the strength of the tie (Levin, Walter & Murnighan, 2011). At least three additional benefits are possible*. First, a shared history is an asset embedded in a dormant tie, that can add richness and significance to a connection. Think about a time in your past when you have renewed a friendship or acquaintance. We believe the refreshed contact retrieves long lost memories that are often forgotten or ignored. Refreshing those memories, especially if they are favorable, embellishes our sense of the relationship’s significance and provides a more solid ground to carry the connection forward. Second, and building on the first benefit, because you already share a history, the connection has a type of head start, making it easier to move into new depths and new territories. In fact, research has suggested that dormant ties often are easier sources of trust than fresh or new ties (Levin et al., 2011). Third, the reactivation of old ties, helps to restore or strengthen a sense of continuity through the various chapters of our lives. One might think of rekindling old ties as a way that we can integrate different parts of our lives that may have seemed fractured, disconnected or irrelevant.
*We hope researchers will test whether these benefits hold for dormant ties.
So When Are We Likely to Rekindle Dormant Ties?
A variety of circumstances and occasions open up opportunities to rekindle ties. Sometimes these occasions are one-off events that put us in contact with former connections, some of whom we have not seen or thought of for years. For example, school reunions can be sites of joy and despair, depending a lot on the quality of connections we feel in communion with others. For both of us who recently attended reunions such gatherings offered multiple opportunities to rekindle relationships that had been dormant for many years. In reflecting on our reunion experiences, we both agreed that rejuvenating old ties was both an unexpected and significant contribution to the meaningfulness of this occasion. In fact, it was one of the experiences that prompted the writing of this blog.
Other occasions for revitalizing times arise because of changed life circumstances that disrupt our routines and place us into new life territories. All major transitions involve letting go and building new relationships due to changes in geography, role, current personal and professional pursuits. With this awareness, attending to dormant relationships may help to fill a gap or loss triggered by the transition Life transitions afford multiple opportunities to rekindle dormant ties. For example, we are acutely aware of retirement as a chapter change that offers opportunities for tie rejuvenation, as each of us has also experienced the bounty from reconnecting with people from our pasts. In fact Kathy’s research team’s study of retired individuals has uncovered the importance of tie rekindling in creating a new life structure post-retirement ( Amabile, Bailyn, Crary, Hall & Kram, 2025). The activation of dormant connections from people in our past can act to expand and enrich our identities during retirement as retirees reclaim and integrate these relationships into their newly forming retirement identity. In our retirement study, retirees spoke of renewing ties with college friends, and even childhood friends, as well as distant relatives who they had not talked with in years. These efforts had far more impact than some anticipated, where ongoing conversations with someone from the past became a vital part of their current social network (Crary, Hall, Kram, Amabile & Bailyn, 2024).
Changing jobs or roles as well as relocating our home or office can also open up windows for relationship rekindling. Moving to a new place for family or work reasons presents opportunities to fill some of the holes left by relationships left behind. As with the other transitions we have mentioned, changes in life circumstances wake us up to more mindfully consider who we are and are not currently connected with, and perhaps help us see the possibilities for reconnection. At the same time, transitions often motivate us to reach back into our past networks and exert effort to reach out to people we have known in the past.
In our world of access to technology mediated networks, these technologies open up new doorways for rekindling dormant ties. Jane has had this experience with Facebook where access to “old” elementary and high school students has rejuvenated connections to people that she had long forgotten. The Facebook portal has given a new window for making an initial reconnection and then deepening it with further communication off the platform. Similarly, Kathy in her role as co-author of a new book on retirement, was asked by her colleagues to reactivate her LinkedIn account after several years of not using it. Within weekends of doing so, many people reached out to her that she hadn’t connected with in years. In this short period of time, she renewed some of these connections with follow-up phone and zoom calls.
The Work of Rekindling Dormant Ties
At first glance, rekindling a dormant relationship may appear to necessitate nothing more than a phone call or email to someone with whom one has had no contact for a number of months or years. But, actually, recent research suggests that there are three elements to this kind of relational work that ensures one’s efforts will be fruitful: remembering, catching up, and perceiving the tie‘s similarly (Rondi, Levin and Massis, 2023). Remembering benefits from giving warning or cues that allow someone to more fully recall the details of a relationship. For example, knowing you will be in touch with an “old” tie allows you to look up information or sort through recalled experiences which eases conversation in reconnecting. Catching up means investing in helping the other person reacquaint themselves with you by updating and sharing your own relevant information. In today’s world, this reacquainting can be
facilitated by using LinkedIn or other web-assisted searches to find information about a tie and to learn more about what has happened since you were last in contact. In a similar way, making sure your information on the web is updated and detailed helps a potential rekindled tie find out more about you. Finally, reconnecting is eased by helping each other find common ground in the current time. For example, you may discover that an old tie currently has a shared interest with you now (a hobby, volunteering experience, work in a similar industry). These practical steps for rekindling ties can benefit from reflection, preparation and action to ensure that efforts to rekindle are likely to be well received, or at least not wasted in continual efforts with a disinterested party.
From our study of the transition to retirement, we discerned that participants benefited from what we are calling the “4As” (Amabile, Bailyn, Crary, Hall, & Kram, 2024). These include awareness, agency, adaptability, and alignment. It is clear to us that these capabilities make it possible for individuals to leverage relationships in new ways as they address the challenges of a shifting identity and finding purpose and meaning after letting go of full time work. Awareness will prompt you to examine what you are yearning for in relationships and potential opportunities that lay dormant. Agency enables you to take action to renew contact with someone you haven’t interacted with for years. And, if you have learned how to adapt when things don’t go your way, you may realize that rekindling old relationships could fill the inevitable loss of connections when leaving a workplace or moving to a new geography. From the stories retiring folks shared, the connections they rekindled added richness and meaning to their post retirement lives (i.e. alignment between self and the new life structure) in ways that no other connections could. So, consider assessing whether you are making use of these capabilities and how you can develop them.
Conclusion
Strengthening one’s network usually brings to mind adding new ties, and strengthening existing ones. Here we draw attention to ties that may have been forgotten, or at least have laid dormant for many years. By looking backward and considering these inactive connections as a potential source of personal enrichment (in knowledge, memories, or a revitalized connection from the past), we have the opportunity to reawaken valued parts of self from the past, or to refurbish sources of knowledge and support in the present. Whether it be a colleague from the past, a classmate from the past, an old friend from the past with whom you used to engage in a sport or hobby, or a distant relative from the past, there may be value in this relationship yet to be discovered. Consider how to enable you and your dormant tie to remember what you shared in the past, create opportunities for meaningful interactions in the present, and assure that you share perceptions regarding whether and how to move forward anew. Simply begin by reflecting on your past and making a short list of dormant ties that you would like to rekindle and take your first step. You will likely find this time is well spent!**
**Thanks to Roman Terekhin for his suggestions on an earlier draft of this blog
Amabile, T.M., L. Bailyn, M. Crary, D.T. Hall, and K.E. Kram (2024). Retiring without Regrets: Four keys to creating a satisfying post-career life. Harvard Business Review, Nov-Dec, 143-146.
References
Amabile, T.M, L. Bailyn, M Crary, D. T.Hall and K. E. Kram (2025) Retiring: Creating a Life that Works for You, Oxford and New York: Routledge.
Crary, M., D.T. Hall, K. E. Kram, T.M. Amabile, & L.Bailyn (2024) Transitioning into Retirement: The interplay of self and life structure. Work, Aging, and Retirement, https://doi.org/10.1093/workar/waae003
Dutton, J. Build High Quality Connections. (2014) In J. Dutton and G. Spreitzer How to be a Positive Leader: Small Actions, Big Impact, San Francisco: Berrett–Koehler Publishers.
Kram, K. E. (2019) How will my relationships change in retirement? http://www.workties.com.
Levin, D.Z., J. Walter and K. Murnigham (2011) The Power of Reconnection: How Dormant Ties Can Surprise You. Sloan Management Review, Spring.
Rondi, E., D. Levin and A De Massis (2023) The Reconnection Process: Mobilizing the Social Capital of Dormant Ties, Organization Science, 35, 2:573-600.
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