I learned much to my delight, many years ago, that my doctoral students thought I was a great beamer. I was not sure what that descriptor meant. They explained that when they were giving talks and presentations, I used my body (face especially) to send light and lift them up. I was delighted as I was not conscious that something as simple as the way you looked at someone could be so powerful. Ever since then, I have tried to turn my beamer on to more often be a gift or strengthener to others. Of course, all of us have this potential and I am writing this to remind each of us (myself included) to beam more often.
How Beaming Has Uplift Power
Attention is our gift to others. By attention, I mean simply a devotion of focus on certain aspects of our environment. In a setting where we are interacting with another person, attention is conveyed through eye contact (or what psychologists often call "gaze" (e.g., Conty, George & Hietanen, 2016)), facial expressions (e.g., Niedenthal, 2007), and physically turning toward another with openness. From the time we were newborns, our brains have been developed to be particularly sensitive to the direct gaze from others.
Affirmative attention is the most potent form of attention for strengthening others. It is what Carl Rogers calls "positive regard" — engaging another with a loving presence. The way we use our eyes, our mouths, and the positioning of our bodies are all powerful signals that tell others whether or not we see them (literally and figuratively), hear them, and value them. These signals may be even more powerful if accompanied by affirmative nods, smiles, and bodily gestures (such as leaning in), which indicate that we hear, understand, and maybe even agree with what the focal person is saying. Rather than blanket beaming, we may communicate even more meaningful affirmation if we signal a type of responsiveness to the specifics of a focal person’s message (Reis, 2013).
These are powerful signals indeed. They are the foundation of how we send messages of worth. And we know that when we grant others signals of social worth, it helps people feel more accepted, more confident (e.g., Leary & Baumeister, 2000), and counters the effects of stress (Cohen & Wills, 1985). Thus, one can easily see why when we beam another with affirmation, we are strengthening them psychologically from afar. At the same time, as beamers, we often sense the impact of our uplifting presence on others, which then encourages more affirmation and encouragement. And so the cycle continues, creating a type of virtuous, mutual uplift dynamic.
Back to the example of my doctoral students — if I beam them during a research presentation (a time when they are often anxious about whether their work is acceptable and good), the affirmative attention is an uplift that resources them to continue and to feel a sense of confidence in the value of their work. In addition, this responsiveness is likely to create more trust in our connection and foster a higher quality connection between us (Reis, 2013).
How to Make Beaming More Present in Your Life
Just like me, you may not know when and to what degree your physical attention to another is having impact. One simple suggestion is to seek feedback. Ask family members, friends, work colleagues if they experience your presence as an uplift, especially when they are speaking to others. Ask them for their suggestions about how you could use your physical presence to send messages of affirmation. Another suggestion is simply to prime yourself to beam, before you encounter a situation where someone you know (or don’t know) is performing some kind of demanding task. Remind yourself that your attention is a gift. Put away distractions (e.g., your phone!). Turn your chair and physical presence towards the person so they can more fully see you. Be mindful of your face and the messages your eyes and expressions are sending.
How Organizations Can Foster Beaming
Work organizations, or organizations of any kind, can reinforce the importance of beaming through both their shared values and beliefs (i.e., their culture) and through their practices. For example, where people at work share the belief that their job is to help others succeed or to that it is important to help others grow and develop, these beliefs can motivate small actions that lift up others not as exceptional behavior but as what is accepted. Beaming or sending looks of affirmation when someone is performing becomes one small way of enacting this uplift. Similarly, small acts of affirmation like beaming are more likely to arise in organizations where recognition practices are abundant. For example, in organizations like Cisco, Adobe or Salesforce which have institutionalized peer recognition and award programs, these routines attune people to look for and appreciate the value that colleagues are offering to them and to the organizations. It is logical to expect that in these kinds of workplaces, people may be more inclined to beam one another as peer appreciation is both recognized and rewarded.
I can’t help but wonder what difference it would make if an academic department had a conversation about the importance of beaming, so that there was an awakening to this often subtle but important signals of affirmation. I can imagine over time, that this enhanced awareness could change members’ behaviors and unlock a level of felt welcoming, trust and psychological safety experienced by department visitors and department members as well. Who knows what benefits enhanced beaming awareness might yield?
Conclusion
Beaming does not cost money. It actually does not take a lot of time. Rather, beaming is a tiny gift that we can give to others every time we encounter them speaking formally or informally to others. It is as if each of us has a magic wand in our countenance that we can direct toward others to leave them better off.
References
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.
Conty, L. George, N and Hietanen, J.K. (2016) Watching eyes effects: When others meet the self. Consciousness and Cognition, 45, 184-197.
Leary, M. R., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). The nature and function of self-esteem: Sociometer theory. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 32, 1-62
Niendethal, P.M. (2007) Embodying emotion, Science (316 (5827) 1002-1005.
Reis, H. T. (2013). Relationship well-being: The central role of perceived partner responsiveness. In C. Hazan & M. I. Campa (Eds.), Human bonding: The science of affectional ties (pp. 283–307). The Guilford Press.
Thanks to Arne Carlsen, Sally Maitlis and Lloyd Sandelands for comments on earlier blog drafts.